7 weeks

Life continues to be busy.  I am still home but did go to work for 4 hours last Saturday which meant daddy had his first stretch of the girls.  Friday night he had to do two bottle feedings and sleep with the girls as well as get up with them in the morning.  Let me tell you it was a chore for me just to get out of the house.  I didn't want to just bottle feed them for that long so I got up and did the 1 3 and 5 am feeding.  I have this fear that if they get to many bottles they won't want the breast.  Stupid I know but true.  So I went to work had to pump before I left just to make sure I was as emptied as I could be.  I had to pump at 10 o'clock and then came home around 12:30.  It felt good to get back to work and I wasn't worried about them because I knew they were with their dad.  Daddy did fine actually they slept almost the whole time for him.  I suggested we switch roles if that's the kind of touch he has.  Then I tried to feed and Mckenna was a little harder to latch on and didn't do her normal 15 minutes.  You guessed it mommy freaked out.  Everything returned back to normal and we are back on track.  I pump 2 to 3 times a day so I have a stash for when I go back to work which is only 3 weeks away.  Scary.  I have transitioned the girls into their crib at about 6 weeks.  Mckenna is a loud sleeper she squaks all night long.  I don't know how Kailey gets any sleep.  I put them both in the same crib for now.  They have sleep positioners so they can't move around to much.  We are working on getting on a schedule.  I go to bed at 8 o'clock and Travis gives them their one bottle of formula. Sometimes they will sleep for 3 or 4 hours sometimes not.  It's a work in progress.

The girls went for their 1 month visit on November 20th.  Kailey weighed 7lbs ond 14oz and was 21.5 inches.  Mckenna weighed 7lbs and 12.5 ounces and is 21 inches long.  Both girls are in the 90th percentile for length.  They are going to be tall like daddy.  The pediatrician was totally impressed they had gained almost 2 lbs in 2 weeks.  Power of a dedicated breastfeeding mom.  I was proud of us all.  

The Rice family wishes everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year if I don't get write another post. We have the best presents ever!

Calling a Fertility Santa

Calling all amazing people I know!  I have a friend who is going through fertility treatments and just had an unsuccessful round.  This friend has been so supportive to me.  She donated her extra Gonal to me which was used to conceive my two little miracles and I would love to return the favor.  Her and her husband had to take a break last year that's why I received her left over meds.  They are trying again to conceive and just found out they have reached there maximum for medication.  So I am asking anyone who may have extra meds that they would like to donate to contact me.  I would love to be able to help her and return the favor.  If you met this amazing women you would want to help her too.  Hopefully we can bring her a Christmas miracle.

3.5 weeks

Everyone is doing great!  Both girls are nursing well and growing stronger by the day.  I am trying to breast feed solely and supplement with formula only at one feeding during the night. Mommy does need some sleep.  It is rare but I like to try for at least one four hour stretch.  Theories are great reality is another thing.  It is no lie breastfeeding is a commitment and takes A LOT of time and patience.  Especially with twins.  It is super important for me to give them all the goods things breastfeeding provides.  I only hope I can keep it up when I go back to work which will be after the first of the year. I am going to do a few days in December just to let everyone transition most of all me.  I am trying to minimize my withdrawl.   In the meantime I pump and store extra so that we have a back up on hand.  Travis has been back to work since the girls were only 5 days old so for the most part I have been on my own during the week.  My mom comes out for a day or two during the week and Travis's sister Darci and mom have helped out during the weekend. Thank god for people who remember what is was like to be sleep deprived and are willing to give you a few hours during the night to get some rest.  I can't thank you guys enough.

Yesterday was a day of firsts for the girls and daddy.    The girls and I went to church with my mom.  I was really looking forward to being able to give praise for our little miracles and show all the people who had prayed for these blessings their cute little faces.  Our senior pastor was at another church but we introduced them to Jill and Steven.  It was a day full of joyful tears as all of our prayers were right there for everyone's eyes to see how great God can be.  I never thought this day would come.  It causes you to reflect deeply about how awesome the power of prayer and God can be! It also makes you think about all the treatments, failed attempts, heartache, tears and deep despair that was our life for six years.  Not gonna lie when Kailey is on her third hour of crying at 1 in the morning I have to remind myself of this. (She's been a little cranky the past couple nights.)  We got home and I needed a nap so I left daddy on his own for a couple hours.  When I woke up and came down stairs I got the full report.  Kailey spit up on him he had changed 5 poppy diapers and they would only take an ounce of the pumped breast milk.  I didn't mean to laugh but I did.  He looked so exhausted and flustered and I couldn't help but say welcome to my world.  Until yesterday he had always had my or someone else's help.

The girls personalities and looks have changed a bit.  Mckenna has now become the more patient one while Kailey has found her lungs and knows how to use them!  Mckenna still has a round face and delicate features while Kailey is more like her dad long and lanky.  You should see the legs on this girl. I called her baby long legs while I was carrying her and she was always kicking my ribs now I know why.   She has some long legs just like daddy.  Both girls have daddy's cute dimples.  They are smiling a little bit and trying to hold their heads up.  It's amazing how quickly they change.

We will be hosting Thanskgiving at our house this year and there is plenty to be thankful for.  What a difference a year can make.

Pictures

We have arrived

Sorry for not posting sooner and I apologize in advance for the short post.  I am more busy than ever this first week!  Last Friday October 19th all our dreams came true.  Mckenna and Kailey arrived safe and sound at 2:09 and 2:10. Mckenna was 6lbs 2oz and Kailey was 5lbs 13oz  I had been at the doctor on Wed and no contractions or signs of labor but my feet and legs were so swollen I thought they would pop.  My urine was not showing any protein in it but the doctor drew blood just to see if any of the other factors would show up for preclampsia.  Nothing was sky high a few of the markers were slightly elevated so they wanted me to do a 24 hour urine and come back on Friday for ultrasound and stress test.

When I got to the appointment my morning urine had protein in it.  I have to say I was more than ready to meet my girls I was so uncomfortable and miserable words can't even describe.  I had gained 60 lbs 10 of which was just in the last week of my pregnancy from all the swelling.  Dr. Holden came in and said well you ready to have a birthday today?  She confirmed I still wanted to have a c section since both girls were head down.  No doubt in my mind I wanted the c section.  Dr.  Hubbell was the doctor on call and would be the one doing my section at roughly 1 o'clock.  I have a long history with Dr. Hubbell from miscarriages to him monitoring this pregnancy.  I was so thankful he would be the one bringing our miracles into the world. He is such a patient man and nothing really rattles him.   I was so excited that this day had finally come but I was so scared about the epidural and worried that something still could go wrong at delivery.  I called Travis and my mom and headed over to Lake Forest Women's center.

Normal monitoring and paper work ensued.  I had requested Dr. Dee to be my anesthesiologist he was in a meeting off site but my nurse said she would call him and see if he would be willing to come over and do my section.  He said he would be there after his meeting.  I can't believe how accommodating and wonderful the staff at Lake Forest was.  The head of anesthesia actually would come in and do my case that's amazing.  By this time everyone had arrived.  My mom, dad and niece and Travis's mom.  Travis's sister Darci lives 3 hours away and was at work and was chomping at the bit to be there but she couldn't get out of work but the great aunt that she is she hopped in the car as soon as she got off work and headed down to meet her nieces.

At around 2 o'clock we headed into the operating room.  My mom was able to come in because she works as a scrub tech at the hospital in the maternity ward.  Dr. Dee did my epidural and believe it or not it didn't even hurt my IV in my arm hurt worst than that but what a weird feeling to be numb from the legs down.  After I was all prepped they brought Travis in.  He was right by me the whole time holding my hand and rubbing my head.  I was worried he wouldn't be able to handle it in the OR but he did great.  Dr. Hubbell walked in and before he started working said Oh my God Brooke how are you even walking.   We all laughed.  Everyone in the OR was relaxed and chatting.  It made me feel very much at ease.  At 2:09 I heard the most wonderful sound little Ms. Mckenna graced the world with her first cry.  I couldn't see her right away they did the routine stuff but I heard her and knew she was okay.  1 minute later Kailey came out wailing.  She made her presence known right away.    After everyone was confirmed healthy they brought them over and out them right by my face I kissed there little foreheads and thanked god for the miracles he had given us.  Off to recovery for the girls and Travis while they finished stitching me up.  Everyone in the OR had known our story and prayed for us and the girls.  So it was great that they could see God's work at it's finest.  I joked that it wasn't fair I did all this work and Travis gets to hold the girls first where's the fairness in that!

I finally went to recovery and held and breastfeed my girls as soon as we could.  They were doing great but my blood pressure was very high.  So they were doing everything they could to get it down.  It did finally come down and they moved us to our room room 1211.  Everyone came in to meet the girls but only for a brief moment because my blood pressure was going up again and I was experiencing some swelling at the incision site so they wanted me to rest.  The girls were doing a great job breastfeeding and I was supplementing with formula after every feeding to make sure they didn't lose to much weight.  That night I sent them to the nursery so Travis and I could get some sleep and rest up for the big days ahead I needed my  strength and some sleep I was exhausted.

Saturday morning the pediatrician came to check the girls out.  Both girls were a little jaundice very normal they would monitor that but Kailey had a little heart murmer also very common.  They wanted to watch that and would check it the next day.  On Monday she got an EKG and we were told that it should close by the time she is one but it will require monitoring.

Travis is a great dad!  He did not have much experience with infants so he was a little worried about how he would do.  It came very natural to him.  He jumped right in changing diapers and cuddling and consouling all his girls including mommy.  He went home on Sunday and got the house in order while my family visited.

I am doing amazingly well for having major surgery.  I stopped taking pain meds on Tuesday but the best thing I did for the first few days was to take them every 4 hours so my pain never became crippling and I was able to care for the girls.  Breastfeeding is going great as well.  Both girls latch very well but they do eat every two hours they are hungry little girls.  Mckenna makes sure she gets more than her fair share!  She is a little piggy and much more vocal than her sister.  Kailey is my patient girl.  It's only been a week but their personalities are very distinct.  I love being a mom and Travis keeps telling the girls how much he loves them.

Thank you to my support team during this past week My mom, Darci and Grandma Reuss and of course my loving husband Travis.  I love you all so much and am so thankful to have you all in our lives.

I

Energizer Buny

Were like the energizer bunny without the energy still going!  I am going to be 37 weeks tomorrow and still pregnant.  I can't believe it.  I lost my mucous plug last Tuesday so I called the doctor nothing to be alarmed about it could be one day or it could be 2 weeks they said plus I had an appointment the next day anyways.  They hooked me up to the fetal heart monitor everything looked good still not a lot of contractions.  When Dr. did my internal though she said I was 1 cm dialated and 80-90% effaced.  I thought for sure we were going to meet our little angels last weekend.  No such luck.  I even did acupuncture twice to get things moving no luck.  My girls seem to be very content in their little oven.  I on the other hand now not only have swollen ankles but have grown tree stumps for legs from the knee down.  My skin is so tight it is actually splitting and getting sores.  I am off to the doctor tomorrow for another check I will keep you posted!  Hopefully we can meet our girls soon!

35 weeks and still going

I am HUGE!!!  Last week I went for ultrasound both girls weigh 4.7 lbs and mom weighs 172.  They are doing great.  I am on weekly monitoring with my doctor at this point.  The doctor says twins usually come between 34 and 36 weeks.  I don't think our girls have any plans of coming anytime soon.  My cervix has started to soften and I am still experiencing some contractions.  Other than that we are doing great.  I am still working I have cut back my work week by just 4 hours so I am still going strong.  Although walking and normal activity is getting harder and harder everyday.  My right ankle is really swollen now almost to the point that I can't get  a shoe on.  I go back to the doctor tommorow so we will see if there is any progress. I have opted to have a c section no matter what.  There are just to many things that can go wrong during a natural birth with twins.  I don't need any emergency situations arising.  If I don't go into labor by Oct 25th we have a c section scheduled.  At that point I would be 38.5 weeks.  21 days and yes I am counting.  I am ready to meet our girls!

It still doesn't seem real that we are going to be parents let alone parents of twins.  Fun Fun.  We did get to have a first hand view of how things go this past weekend. Birdies for Babies golf outing was this weekend and I sat with Katie and her girls for a couple hours while we waited for the golfers to come in.  Her girls are beautiful but oh man can you see what we are in for.  It's going to be a lot of work but we are ready!  Come out and play Kailey and Mckenna!

30 weeks and scared

I went to my Ob on August 24th and had an ultrasound.  Everything checked out great! Mckenna weighed 3 lbs and Kailey weighed 3lbs 4 oz.  I weighed 160! My cervix was closed and no signs of early labor. Overall a very good check up for all the ladies.  Everything is getting a little harder to do and again less energy for me to do it with.

Thursday brought a whole new set of circumstances.  When I first got to work I noticed a  little spot of blood.  I didn't get to alarmed but then about 10 minutes later I went to the bathroom again and there was a little more blood.  Leaving nothing to chance I called my doctors emergency number.  I wasn't having any cramping and felt fine so they said I could come to the office in the afternoon.  I saw my patients and really wasn't all that nervous.  I just figured with all the girls movement they stretched something to far or kicked something they shouldn't have.

When I got to the doctors office they hooked me up to the fetal heart monitor.  This machine measures the girls heartbeat as well as if I am having any contractions.  Dr. O came in and said the girls were doing great but they wanted to monitor my contractions.  After about 30 minutes she said I had one pretty big contraction with some other little ones.  She wanted to admit me to the hospital overnight so they could watch us all.  All of sudden things had gotten pretty serious.  Dr. O was telling me that the girls were still to little and if they were coming we need to give me a steroid shot for their lungs but scarier yet if I delivered they would have to go to Evanston NICU.  All my worst fears were starting to come true.  I never wanted my girls in the NICU plus it was way to early for them to come I was only 30 weeks and 2 days.  I tried to stay calm because the more I upset and stressed I got I figured the worse it was for the girls.  I called Travis and let him know what was going on but told him not to come rushing over just yet.  I wanted to get to hospital and see if things calmed down.  At the doctors office they did a swab that can determine if you are secreting any enzymes that are produced before you go into labor.  It takes a couple hours to get the results though.  When I got to the hospital they hooked me up to the fetal heart monitor again and everyone had seemed to calm down.  Contractions had slowed and were much less intense.  After two hours Dr. Tart came in and said my swab came back negative and everything seemed to be normal for 30 weeks of pregnancy.  If everything stayed that way I could go home after a couple more hours of monitoring. Everything turned out to be okay but it was an eye opener as to how quickly things can change.  these things are all normal with a twin pregnancy.  My body thinks I am a full term pregnancy so it wants to deliver.  There is so much pressure and stretching it signals your body to go into labor.

From here on out I have been instructed to decrease my activity to basically going to work and coming home and on weekends resting as much as I can and no lifting not even a laundry basket!.  I have had to cut down one of my work days to a half day.  It's much better than complete bedrest or everyone making an early entrance.  From here on out it is day by day and I go weekly for doctors appointments.

On the fun side of things I have had my work showers.  Both were a surprise so it was so fun.  My close friends and family shower is the Saturday.  I am looking forward to it.  The girls nursery is still not totally complete.  I just decided on window treatments.  I just want everything to be perfect for them.  I have never had such trouble making decorating decisions. So for now we continue to pray and focus on the positive and everyday I remind the girls it's not time to come out and play yet.   They have to grow a little bigger so they can come home with mommy and daddy.

Pics of happenings

Daddy feels his first kicks

Last Saturday night I was sitting out on the deck reading a magazine (because it had finally cooled off enough to be able to enjoy some of the summer I can not tolerate any heat it actually makes me physically ill.) and the whole magazine started to move. I looked down at my tummy and I could see my stomach actually rising and falling as the girls kicked.  It was the most powerful movement I have felt yet and for sure the first time I have seen my stomach actually move like that.  I can only imagine the fun they were having in there.  Travis wasn't home.  I was so bummed he hadn't felt the babies move yet.  So Sunday all day I waited for them to repeat the same romper room and nothing of that magnitude.  The kicks and movements are so sparatic you really have to be in the right place at the right time.    

Monday I had a doctors appointment and ultrasound.  My mom and dad were both there to see the girls.  This was the first time my dad had seen them.  I have been spoiled by the the level 2 ultrasound everything is so much clearer so this one was kind of a let down in terms of visuals.  Both girls were as active as usual and put on a good show for Papa. My dad was so funny he asked the tech are you sure there are no boys in there.  She laughed and said no I am very sorry there is no mistaken these two are girls all the way!  Mckenna weighs 1lb 10oz and Kailey weighs 1 lb 8 oz. and I weigh 152 lbs.  I don't know who is growing more me or them.  I saw the doctor after and again we discussed birthing options.  Mckenna has flipped and is no longer breech so that changes things a little bit.  Before with a baby being breech there is no question you will have a c section.  We went over the pros and cons of each.  We hopefully have a long way to go before I have to make those choices but good to start thinking about it now.  There are just some many things that could go wrong with a vaginal delivery with twins it almost makes you scared to even try.

So I got home and was showing Travis the ultrasound pictures and Mckenna began to kick I grabbed his hand and put it on my belly.  He finally felt a little kick just barely he said.  I don't feel Kailey move as much so we are waiting for her to give daddy a good feel.

All the excitement and then back to reality on Tuesday.  My nurse called to let me know that my hemoglobin had dropped another point from 9.8 to 9.1 and the doctor would like me to go back to the hematologist again.  I was so disappointed I thought by adding the extra iron supplement I would be okay but apparently these girls like their iron.  I went to see him on Friday and he took more blood to check the actual iron concentration and binding factor level.  He is just waiting for the results.  I will get them on Monday but he thinks at this point it would be best if I did IV iron once a week until I get caught back up.  He only wanted to do this if it was absolutely necessary but it's time he thinks.  In our conversation he also said that he didn't want to scare me but that one of the test we ran came back positive for Lupus and Rheumatiod arthritis.  He didn't want to make to much out of it because your body can do crazy things when you are pregnant so we will retest once I deliver. First question out of my mouth is how does this effect the girls.  It doesn't he said just me.  I was thankful but it is still very scary and upsetting.  At this point I think no I know I had reached a breaking point and as I left the office I started to cry.  Don't get me wrong there are plenty of worse things that could be happening but I was just having a moment of feeling sorry for myself.  I am tired all the time and the weight is really starting to make me uncomfortable and now I am scared for my health after this is all over.  I wouldn't change a thing by any means but I was still just exhausted and worn down.  After a good cry Travis said lets hang the decals in the girls nursery that will make you feel better.  So we did and that brought it all home again as long as they are fine I will be too.  For the past six years it hasn't been about what I have to put my body through or the sacrifices I have to make it is about making Travis and I parents and right now that has to be my focus.  I will survive always have and always will somedays are just better than others.

The bright side is the nursery is coming together and I have started to register at Babies r Us and Target.  It still amazes me all the stuff that these two little blessings will need. And for those of you that didn't know Katie Davis gave birth to her little miracles last Saturday.  Congrats I can't wait to get down there to hold them!  As always thanks for the continued prayers and support at 25 weeks now.  Can you believe it?

22 weeks

Sorry it has been so long since I have posted.  Life is busy busy.  We have been busy remodeling the basement so that the girls have a play area.  We have now got that under control and Travis has moved to the girls nursery now.  Things are happening and getting very exciting.  I on the other hand have had to slow down quite a bit.  I have been having some dizzy/fainting spills for the past 3 weeks.  So at my 20 week check up they ran a CBC and my iron and hemoglobin came back way low.  My doctor referred me to a hematologist.  I saw him last Friday he drew 10 tubes of blood and I had to go back yesterday for results.  Not everything was in but for the most part everything came back normal.  At this point he suggested I double my iron supplement and if that doesn't work we will have to do IV iron.  He will recheck my levels in a month.  So hears hoping that I can get some energy back.  I am sure this heat doesn't help!  My favorite thing right now is my pool what a relief to cool down and feel weightless for awhile.

Going back a couple of weeks I had my 20 week level 2 ultrasound and everything checked out great.  Both girls are growing and were 9 inches long..  Baby A for right now we will call McKenna Marie weighs 10 ounces.  Baby B who we will call Kaylee Ann weighs 9 ounces.  Both girls show no signs of any genetic abnormalities.  The names are not set in stone but middle names will be these for sure!  Travis's mom's middle name is Marie and my mom's middle name is Ann.  I really wanted to name them Morgan and McKenna but Travis has always loved the name Kaylee plus he didn't want them called M&M.  It is so funny how he thinks about certain things.   That never even crossed my mind.  So we continued to be very blessed and for the most part are having a very healthy pregnancy.  I am seeing my ob every 2 weeks now for cervical checks.  I had a great measurement of 5.9 on my cervix which hopefully will keep preterm labor at bay!

Another exciting thing is happening Birdies for Babies golf outing planning is gearing up.  It brings us back to such an exciting time in our life. Its so hard to believe it's been a year since the Traders have changed our life.  I cannot believe sometimes that this is really my life.  My girls have been brought into this world by so many people's help, support and prayers as well as love its amazing! I can't wait to reunite with all these people in Sept.  Stay cool!  Happy 4th!

My world has suddenly turned VERY

Pink!  Travis and I went for our level 2 ultrasound on Monday May 21st of course we were dying to know the sex if we could.  More importantly I wanted to make sure the babies were healthy.  First thing I asked the tech to do was see the heartbeats so I could relax and enjoy seeing my little miracles.  Everybody was fine.  I just can't ever believe that in about 5 months I will actually be holding my little bundles of joy.  I still am so nervous something will go wrong.  Anyways the tech doing the ultrasound said it looks like we are having 2 girls.  It is still too early to make it official though.  When the doctor came in I asked him to look again to see if he would come up with the same answer.  Not thinking I asked him if he could find a penis for my husband.  He kind of chuckled and said I am pretty that's what got you into this mess in the first place.  After looking he said tell your husband I am sorry.  It looks like only girl parts for you.  I was kind of in shock.  I had had no girl girl dreams I had had boy boy dreams and 1 girl boy dream.  In my head I really thought I was having 2 boys.  I really wanted at least one boy for Travis.  He loves to fish and hunt.  He really is a guys guy.  Plus I guess secretly I wanted one of each as well.  Of course I just wanted/want healthy babies but it would have been nice to have one of each since we are for sure done after these little miracles.  

I was worried about how Travis would feel and he was totally fine with it.  He said they can fish and hunt plus they are gonna be daddies little girls anyway.  Good answer.  The rest of the ultrasound was amazing.  With these level 2 ultrasounds they look at everything brain, femur, spine etc.  Everything looks great and babies weigh about 5 ounces now.  Me on the other hand weighs more than 5 ounces.  On Friday I went to my ob appt for regular routine check up.  I have gained 10 lbs.  which doesn't seem like much except for the fact that you gain it all in your middle section.  I am starting to feel the effects of our little girls on my body.  I am starting to get my baby bump for sure.  It makes it harder to bend and do anything for that matter.  I have been wearing support hose since 8 weeks and thank god because I am starting to get little varicose veins.  I have since switched to medical compression hose to avoid any further damage. HA HA!  I still have acne all over my chest back and face hopefully this sunshine will dry some of it up.  We will see.  I am no where near as tired as I was in the first trimester but I still can take a nap everyday if I can.  I am feeling little flutters but no full blown kicks yet.  Dr said probably around week 20.

Now for the fun stuff.  SHOPPING!  Travis and I have both agreed no matching matching on a daily basis.  We want them each to be their own people.  I am trying to avoid dressing them in all pink as well.  Of course that gets a little hard. I bought another crib, changing table and dresser.  Travis is still busy remodeling the basement for the girls play area and next we will move to the nursery.  He has been slowed down a bit because he dislocated his shoulder hanging drywall 2 weeks ago.  Everything is a work in progress including our little ladies.  Next ultrasound will be June 20th which will be 20 weeks. They will confirm genders at this point and we will hopefully have names picked out by then. 

13 weeks and 3 days

But who's counting! Yes I am every day every minute until I get to hold my little bundles of joy.  Things are going great other than the fact that I worry all the time still.  I am off my progesterone off my blood thinners that I injected into my stomach.  I no longer am going for ultrasound  every two weeks.  I miss that it was so reassuring to see them and check in on their growth progress.  It is amazing how quickly they develop.  We are headed to the twins specialists on May 21st for a level 2 ultrasound.  We should be able to determine the sex if everyone is in the right position.  Even though I have seen them and been told we are out of the woods it still does not seem real that we are going to be a mom and a dad.

I have started to buy somethings that I know we are going to need.  Travis is busy remodeling the basement so we can have a play area and extra storage for all the things we are going to have times 2!!

I am a grouch!

I am 10weeks 5 days pregnant now and totally starting to show already.  I have been so lucky with morning sickness I have a little what I refer to as gut rot in the middle of the night.  I keep oyster crackers by my bed side and have a little nibble and that seems to calm things down.  I have very little energy and a desire to do nothing but chill.  I have not missed any work so I am very lucky BUT I am really grouchy.  I don't know if it's because I feel tired all the time, the hormones or because I am so worried all the time but it doesn't take much to set me off.  Then I am either really grouchy or I cry uncontrollably and I am not a crier.  The funny thing is I know I am over reacting but I can;t help myself. This has been going on for the last 2 weeks.  We are nearing the end of the first trimester and I hope I get that pregnancy glow in a few weeks because right now I can't even stand myself!  Poor Travis he is walking on pins and needles all the time.

I still worry all the time about the babies.  I am trying very hard to think positive and enjoy this part of the pregnancy but the truth of the matter is until I am out of this first trimester I am a nervous wreck.  I go for my next ultrasound April 28th.  It can't come soon enough.  I would have an ultrasound once a week if I could just to see our little bundles.  I went to baby class through my ob's office and realized I am very lucky to see my babies so often normal pregnancies see them tho confirm pregnancy and then not until 20 weeks.  I can't imagine it is so cool to watch them grow.  We are blessed!

Safe again

I called my nurse on Wed just to give her an update.  I told her no need to call me back unless they were concerned.  Not more than a half hour later the phone rang.  She and my doctor wanted me to come in for an ultrasound the next day.  I said I was not spotting no cramping I could wait until Monday and she said no way not with your history.  Then I got really nervous.  I had to wait a whole 24 hours for answers.

Thursday on my lunch hour I shot over to the office.  My ultrasound tech is so great!  She really shows you and talks you through everything.  Everybody was fine heartbeats were 155 and 153.  Baby A waved at mommy again.  We are in big trouble with that one he/she is going to be the outgoing one for sure.  The babies had moved they are now head to head.  I had no idea they moved around in their sack.  Placenta is starting to grow and everyone is right on track.  My bleed spot has disappeared that was good news too.  2 more weeks and hopefully I will start to enjoy this pregnancy. Yeh right!  I will always worry that's just who I am.  I hope this doesn't continue once their born.  I don't want to be THAT mom.

Yes No Maybe So

So I am 9weeks 3days pregnant now and the last 2 days I have not felt pregnant.  My symptoms seems to have slowed down over the past two days.  My boobs aren't as sore, I am not as tired as before and am not experiencing my 4 am gut rot.  I have read on the internet that your symptoms subside towards then end of your first trimester when your HCG levels out but soo early?  I don't know I am nervous.  I actually talked myself out of showing up at my doctors office because they are most likely going to think I am crazy if they don't already.  So I will call and see what they have to say.  I have another ultrasound scheduled Monday so i am trying to hold off until then.  Please continue to pray for a healthy pregnancy.

Free Meds

I have left over meds from my IVF cycle that were donated to me and I would love to give to someone in need of them.  I have Gonal and Ganarelix.  Please contact me via email if anyone needs them or know anyone who needs them.

8.5 weeks First Ob appt

On Monday April 2nd (of course I chose a date with a two in it) I went to my Ob for what they call a pregnancy confirmation appointment.  First an ultrasound and then to meet with the doctor.  I invited my mom and sister along to see the little miracles.  I get sooo nervous that something is going to be wrong.  I asked the tech to let me see heartbeats as soon as she could for both babies so I could enjoy seeing my little bundles of joy.  I was so scared last ultrasound I don't think I really enjoyed looking at them.  Right away she saw Baby A's heartbeat it was going so fast that white little flutter.  Then Baby B same rapid heartbeat.  Then to the doppler we heard both heartbeats.They were so much stronger this time.  Both babies had 177 heartrate.  Nice and strong.  Baby A and Baby B both measure 2cm now.  She said it's good that both babies are the same size and have their own sacs.  There is also a membrane that separates the twins and that was visible as well.  All very healthy things happening.  The most amazing thing to me was that at one point Baby A actually moved I say she waved at mommy! TEE HEE! They say that the babies personalities are visible on ultrasound and I believe it.  I feel bad for Baby B everytime we get ultrasound pictures there are like 3 of baby A and only 1 of baby B.  Baby A is the more outgoing one for sure already.   It is so amazing to see how much they have grown in just a week and a half.  The tech and my doctors say everything looks great and she sees no signs of danger.  I am starting to relax slightly.  Everytime I see them and they get stronger I feel better. I did have a little bleeding spot in my utereus they said probably where implantation occured.  Nothing to worry about but I may have a little spotting and not to worry if that happens. I laughed and said any sign of blood and I will be in here faster than you can imagine.   I will leave nothing to chance.

As for symptoms I am very lucky.  I am tired but not sick at all.  At about 4 am I do get an acidy heartburn sometimes nauseous feeling.  A few crackers or water usually takes care of it.  I am experiencing some constipation though.  Noone tells you about that little fun fact.

As for Travis he is still in shock over the whole twin thing. He is coming around to the idea of two.  It never even really crossed our mind that both would take until my first beta numbers came back high.  He is busy thinking about all the things we need to do to make the house baby friendly.  Just simple little things like carpet in the basement and turning one of the rooms into a play room.  He is nesting in his own way.

My next ultrasound is April 16th.  I do need prayers for a friend of mine who is struggling with a very serious condition associated with an IVF cycle that has sent her to the hospital for a week and is threatening to put her back there.  All your prayers worked for me now she needs our prayer chain.  Thanks for your continued prayers and support.  

We are having......

We are having TWINS!!!!  What a wonderful experience.  It still doesn't even seem real to me.  Dr. S was not there he was on vacation so Dr. Burwinkle did my ultrasound.  He was the one who did my final scan before retrieval.  One pregnancy sac popped up right away.  I was worried because I have had a sac before with nothing in it.  I asked right away is there a baby in it.  He chuckled and said yes.  Then he continued to look around my and all of a sudden he found another sac.  Then he said no maybe that is the first one.  A little more manipulating and he said oh no there are two sacs.  The second one is just hiding up against the side wall.  I was happy but wanted to see heartbeats and then I would be able to breath.  Baby A was front and center baring everything to see easily.  He saw a heartbeat right away.  I never knew a little white blob moving back and fourth could bring such joy.  Next to try and find Baby B's heartbeat.  Baby B was not as proud to show HIS stuff.  Yes baby B was being the trouble maker so he will definitely be the boy I joked with Dr. B.  Finally Dr. B was able to see it.  Tears of pure joy ran down may face and the first thing I did was thank God out loud.  Then Dr. B said lets see if we can hear their heartbeats.  Using the doppler I was able to hear both heartbeats.  Baby B's was not as strong but he is the smaller of the two.Which is totally normal.    It is amazing Baby A only measures 5 mm and to be able to see and hear heartbeats is just an amazing thing.  They are soo small.  Of course I have ultrasound pics I will try and post them.  I tried to post pics of embryos but the camera wouldn't pick up the tiny pic.  I'll try though.

Sigh of relief for the moment but where do we go from here?  Miscarriage is obviously a huge fear for me.  Dr. B said I can relax now my chance of miscarriage is 5%.  There is a condition called a vanishing twin.  This happens in about 10% of pregnancies.  One of the babies heart stops beating and my body would just absorb the baby.  I would not bleed and the only way we would be able to detect it is on ultrasound.  Dr. B said both babies look great though and he has no concerns.  My due date is Nov 6th.  Yesterday I was officially 6weeks 5 days pregnant.  It really hasn't even sunk in that these babies are really mine and I am really going to be a Mom!!!

False alarm

I think Tuesdays episode was a touch of the flu.  Everyone at work ended up with the flu later in the week and patients were dropping like flies due to sickness.  I actually have been feeling pretty good which of course I don't like.  If I was feeling sick I would feel better but my nurse says it is still early and I should be thankful for these good days and symptoms come and go this early.  I haven't been as tired but I am sleeping at least 10 hours a night.  I still go to the bathroom quiet a bit.  My boobs aren't as sore.  I think your body gets a little used to the symptoms after so long   I have been doing a little research and morning sickness doesn't usually start until week 6.  I will be 6 weeks sometime next week.  We will get the specifics at the ultrasound appointment next Thursday which you can imagine seems like FOREVER away.  I am not going to lie I thought about sneaking in to see my OB.  I at least could see if they are developing properly and put my mind at ease a little bit but I figured I should wait.  Dr. S wanted us to do ultrasound there he hasn't steered us wrong yet.

Every time I have negative thoughts I tell myself that it is Satan talking and trying to ruin God's good will.  That seems to take the negative thoughts away pretty quickly.  I don't know what I would do if I didn't have faith and the power of prayer.  The amazing thing is all along this journey I have had so many people say they will pray for us.  God must be up there shaking his head going alright already I get it.  So to my prayer team keep up the good work I need you all to keep me strong.  I keep remembering the footprints prayer where the person asks God why when I was in need of you most were there only one set of footprints.  God replies that is when I carried you.  So I pray for God to carry me over the next few days while my strength is getting weak.

Who flipped the switch

I am definitely starting to feel changes.  Up until now I have had little spats where I felt tired and a little sick but nothing like yesterday.  I was driving to work having my coffee and whamo I started to gag.  I thought what am I going to do I was driving on road with the speed limit of 55.  I pulled over and just as quickly as it came it went away.  When I got to work I ate some pretzels and felt a little better.  I had this on and off feeling all day long.  I came home at dinner and went straight to bed.  I slept for 12 hours.  Last week on Wed I called my nurse because I wasn't feeling pregnant.  She suggested with my history that we run one more beta just for my piece of mind.  They are so understanding and caring they never make you feel like you are bothering them or crazy like you feel everyday.  It came back at 3851 it more than doubled again.  She said to me they would be shocked if they didn't see a heartbeat with numbers that strong so that has put my mind at ease.  She also said I should be thankful for these days when I do feel good because not feeling good days are coming.  Boy was she right!  We continue to wait 1 week 1 day until we will see the babies heartbeats.  See that's positive thinking.    

Another 2ww

Sunday I went to church and was so excited to share my news with pastor Dan.  The congregation at Lakeland church has been praying for Travis and I and I couldn't wait to tell him the good news as well as ask him to keep the prayer chain going.  We are not out of the woods yet by any means.  I am have been very tired so I came home and took a nap after church. I have to say I am not getting much done around the house.  I really don't care.  My body needs rest and that is what it's gonna get.

Off for the second blood draw.  They lab opens at 7 am and you can bet your bottom dollar I was there at 7.  the sooner I go the sooner I get the results.  Surprisingly I had a calm about me as I walked through the doors.  Although I worry I still have a good feeling about this pregnancy.  I hope I am right!  I called 2hours later to get my results.  My beta was 1602.  I had hear repeat it.  That was awful high.  We were suppose to double every two days.  Granted it was three days but still it should have only been around 1000.  I think I don't know for sure.  I have a panic attack and think OMG what if one of them split and we have triplets.  I texted Katie for a little counseling.  She quickly assured me probably twins but no triplets.  I'll have to wait for the nurse to call.

The nurse finally called later that afternoon and told me that my beta was strong but doesn't necessarily mean twins we won't know that until ultrasound.  Which she scheduled for Mar 22nd.  Another 2 it's our good luck number.  She also told me I could cut my progesterone down to only twice a day.  I told her I was really nervous about this.  Why go changing things everything is working lets not rock the boat.  She assured me it would be fine.

Of course I called back today and spoke with another nurse just to make sure that cutting my progesterone was gonna be ok.  I asked her if people with normal HCG sometimes don't see a heartbeat.  She said it does happen but my beta was strong and I should think good thoughts.  It seems like another eternity before Mar 22nd.  I am trying to remain positive.  God is still in control and guiding us.  We have never had a beta double so this is positive.  We will stay with that thought for now.

Happy Birthday to me

Yesterday was my birthday and I awoke at 5 am with of course the urgency to pee like I hadn't gone in 3 days when it really had been only 6 hours never the less my bladder was full and calling.  So was the pregnancy test I had bought the day before.  I laid there debating weather or not to take the test.  Travis did not want me to take a HPT.  It just makes you crazy and your levels aren't high enough to give you a positive yet just wait. My response," I am tired of waiting and what if it's positive we will know that much sooner."  This discussion took place last Sunday.  I never said I wasn't going to test.  I debated for a long time if it was negative I would have a crummy bday if it was positive what a great story to be able to tell our child/children.  Well you guessed the HPT won out in the debate.  I peed on the stick again.  As I replaced the cap it started to look like it was negative but a faint positive was coming across.  I went out of the bathroom and into my bedroom waited a couple seconds and went back into the bathroom.  It was positive faint but positive.  I figured I would be lucky to even get a faint positive. I tried to call Travis and his phone was off.  I couldn't contain myself I had to tell someone.  I wanted to call my mom but she works night and would have only gotten 5 hours of sleep at this point and I probably shouldn't wake her.  Then I decided she would want to awaken to news like this.  I called her sleepy voice answered.  I told her the news we both cried I was still in shock!!  Hung up tried to call Travis again still no luck.  So I laid back down in bed I had to work at 8 in the morning and then go the restaurant that night so I needed to get some sleep.  The wheels were spinning out of control.  I wanted to get a blood beta to confirm that I really was pregnant and actually get a level.  I was going to go in between jobs but then I remembered the lab opened at 7.  I could get there have a blood draw and be at work by 8.  Got dressed and off I went.  Finally Travis called at 6:15.  I told him our good news.
At this point I am crying because it is starting to set in WE ARE PREGNANT!!  He of course approaches it with the same apprehension as I do.  We have been pregnant 4 times before and unsuccessful so it is really hard to get excited.

I had my blood draw and then off to work waiting waiting for the results.  This waiting game sucks no matter what you feel like you are always waiting for something!  I had the results faxed to my office and my mom went to get them.  She texted me your HCG is 351.7 is that good.  My jaw dropped.  That is a a high beta for 9 days post transfer.  I texted her back well from what I know it should be between 50 and 100 at this point.  I don't know maybe twins.  We did put two embryos in and Dr. S is the miracle man.  My nurse from Ohio called and left me a message confirming that I was pregnant with a very strong beta.  She also confirmed it should be about 100 at this point.   I had some many questions I had to call her back.  I am so wondering what Dr. S is thinking at this point.  I wish I could talk to him.  I know he is over the moon for us.  He did his part now it is up to my body and God to do the rest.

I spoke with the nurse she said we will repeat my Beta on Monday to make sure it doubles.  Of course this is scary because every time I have a repeat beta it never doubles and we know the pregnancy is not viable.  I am staying positive and hoping for the best.  After that she said we would schedule an ultrasound to hopefully hear the babies heartbeat. I asked her if there was something in my blood that made her say hopefully and she said no it's just always a possibility that we can't hear the heartbeat.   March 19th I would be six weeks along God willing.  There is a possibility that the heartbeat would not be strong enough to hear at that point.  I think we have decided to wait until the following week just to make sure.  I wouldn't be able to handle it if there was any doubt.  Plus that would mean another drive back to Cinci.  She said we could get a scan here.  NO WAY.  I have had nothing but good news from Cinci and I am not changing a thing now.

As for how I am feeling.  I am getting a good 8- 9 hours of sleep a night but can't stay up past 9o'clock.  My eyes burn I am so tired.  A little bit more hungry than usual nothing to extreme though.  The nurse said I could go back to working out spin body pump the whole 9 yards but that makes me to nervous.  I have decided to give it another week and see how I feel about it then.  Please keep prayers coming we are not out of the woods yet.  God is obviously listening to all of us and remember he is good!

Waiting Waiting Waiting

I am one week away of from finding out our life's destiny.  I am trying very hard not to think about what Travis and I are going to do with our lives if we are not blessed with children.  Every once and awhile the thought drifts into my head and I just push it out hoping that that is not God's plan for us.

I want to thank all of my fertility friends that have been reaching out to me during this time.  No one can understand this period in my life other than them.  You guys have been been great and I love you all.  So how am I feeling?  I am very tired so I am sleeping at least 8 hours a night if not more.  I am letting my body rest it has been through a lot.  I can also cry at the drop of a hat and boobs are sore.  I know from previous attempts that this is all the hormones and drugs.  I would like to think that it for other reasons but I know better.  I have to admit I am a tad grouchy sorry Travis.  Little things seem to set me off not a usual characteristic for myself.  I don't remember being this touchy last time.  I guess it's true what they say the older you get the grouchier you get!

As for meds I am taking a blood thinner in my stomach every night to combat the MTThFR factor.  The factor makes my blood thicker than normal and when the embryo attached to the uterus with it's little veins my blood is to thick to get through to support the little life growing inside me.  So the blood thinner combats that issue.  I am also on progesterone suppositories.  What a mess but I will take it over the alternative IM in my rump!!! No thanks they hurt way to much.

I have little rituals I do.  Sometimes it seems a little silly but I feel like I want to connect with the embryos the best I can.  Every morning I rock in a rocking chair one of our friends gave us with the picture of our embryos.  I also rub the petri dish on my belly.  Part of me has my defense mechanism up and I ask why are you doing this but I am none the less.

Travis and I had a discussion about taking a home pregnancy test.  They tell you not to and I never have because I figure it's going to come out positive from the trigger shot and that it is not accurate but this time I took one the day after my transfer and it was negative.  Now I know that if I get a positive its the real deal.  Travis doesn't want me to do it because if it's negative I am just going to be depressed until I get the real results.  I have to work on the Monday I get my results and part of me would rather be prepared for the negative if it happens instead of it being a total shock.  The other side is it may be positive and we can rejoice.  My birthday is this Friday so I won't test then but I plan on taking one on Saturday.  I am well aware that sometimes the HPT comes out negative but the blood essay is positive.  So we will wait and see.

Other than that I am just trying to keep myself busy.  Today I am going to lunch with a girlfriend of mine that just delivered her baby after struggling through infertility.  I had to buy a baby gift so I had to go into the baby department usually a traumatic experience just to walk by but when someone that has a miracle I rejoice in their triumph and just hope I can join that elite group that struggled and succeeded.

Do you really believe God asked?

My week began with anticipation.  Monday morning we were waiting to hear weather or not I needed to get in the car and drive for a transfer or if we would have a blast transfer on Wed.  Obviously praying for a blast.  In order for me to get to Cinci in time I needed to leave by 5:30 am.  The nurse usually doesn't come in till 7 but she came in at 6:15 to read my results and call me.  Once again going above and beyond the call of duty.  I kid you not the phone rang preciously at 5:15.  Not a minute sooner not a minute later.  The magic words your embryos have made it to blast.  All eight were still growing strong.  I could breath a sigh of relief.  We were calling our embryos little Ricettes.   Off to work Monday and Tuesday flying high.  My mom was going to travel with me this time.  Travis had no more vacation time as well as it would be good mother daughter bonding time.  We left on Tuesday around 3 and arrived in Cinci around 9.  We got a good nights sleep and were up bright and early with excitement.  My mom was way more excited than I was.  I saw her roll over at 5:30 to see if I was awake.  I was not quite ready to get up yet so I fell back asleep.  My body needs to be good and rested to let these embryos have an inviting environment.  I have remained relatively calm throughout this whole process until now!  I have had bouts of excitement but they are short lived.  It is all a process with a lot of steps involved.  I feel like once you clear one hurdle there is another one waiting for you.  So I celebrate that triumph and hope for the best with the next one.  Travis has been very positive.  Much more so then I I have to admit  I am  so used to things not happening for us it is hard to get excited.  I carry a heavy heart sometimes because even if we do get pregnant that is only half the battle for us I still have to not miscarriage which as we all know is another problem we face.  Trying to keep all these negative thoughts at bay but it is hard.

Anyways back to the positive.  We were scheduled for transfer at 9:45 Wed morning.  Of course we get there early because we are so excited and anxious to learn how are Ricettes are doing.  I brought the nurses and Dr. S one of those Mardi Gras cakes with the baby you hide in it for good luck.  A few weeks earlier we had one at work and I got the baby and you betcha that baby was in my pocket for retrieval and transfer.  Mom and I got in the clinical attire.  Dr. S was in the hall and greeted us in his usual warm manner.

Into the surgical suite where Dr. S appeared shortly.  He was the one with the progress report on the Ricettes.  He reported we had two beautiful embryos we were going to transfer today and four that had a 50 50 chance of being able to freeze.  Next he brought me a picture of our two embryos that he was going to transfer.  One was more mature than the other but both were good quality he said.  The more mature one was getting ready to hatch which was a very good sign.  The transfer was such a positive experience right before he placed them he said think positive thoughts here we go.  I cried as I saw the little white burst get placed into my utereus.  Dr. S gave me a hug and said good luck and as a parting gift he gave me the petri dish the two embryos were growing in.  2 was the the theme of the trip I have to say.  When we checked into the hotel we were given room 222 and our transfer was 2-22-2012.  Gods was still displaying his presence.  When we checked into the hotel the first thing I saw were two books about God.  Little signs that all was good hopefully.

Yesterday was a bit of a downer day. They called to let me know that the four embryos remaining did not make it to be able to freeze.  I was really sad.  We would have had enough money left from birdies for babies to do a frozen transfer but we will not have enough to undergo another round of IVF.  So all our dreams of having children are riding on these two embryos implanting.  I had to ask what grade the two that they put in were.  The nurse told me one was a 1AB and the other was a 2AB.  I had hoped that at least we had one A. I was really getting myself worked up about their grade and the fact that we had no reserve.  I had to pray and remembered I had put this all in God's hands and asked that his will be done no matter what the outcome.  I reminded myself it is not faith if when things don't go your way you lose trust.  I can't do that!  I have left this in his hands and no matter what it is his will either way. So I pray he has children in our future!  Pregnancy test is March 5th.  Now the wait begins 1 down 10 to go!!

Octomom?

Yesterday was a great day.  We had our egg retrieval yesterday.  It was breeze compared to my last one.  I hate going under but my nurse was so nice and kind.  They didn't sedate me nearly as heavily as in the past. It was nice I was out of it but could still talk and they told me everything as they were doing it.  It is always such great experience.  I have been so at ease  through this whole process.  It has been such a positive experience.  I cannot tell you how glad I am we chose to go to Cinci!  Dr. S actually did my retrieval I asked him for his autograph now that he is famous from his appearance on the today show.  He laughed and said he would sign my forehead.  Retrieval was great we got 13 follicles.  I had an easy recovery and we were on our way home.  I had no cramping it was amazing.  I had asked for a script for Vicoden because the last retrieval was so painful but I didn't take but two doses of asprin.

My nurse called this morning to let me know 8 eggs fertilized.  That's over half we are soo happy!! We are hoping for a day 5 transfer but I could possibly need to be back in Cinci on Monday.  They are going to call at 5:15 Monday morning to let me know.  Dr. S is going to be putting two embryos in no matter what the quality.  Travis and I are already wrapping our minds around twins just in case.  He does have 100 percent success rate with us Chicago couples he says.

Right now I am on a steroid to decrease my immune response to the embryos so they have a better chance of implanting. Also taking progesterone but not shots.  Another bonus.  Love it.  Those Progesterone shots were so painful.   So right now we are coasting along praying for good things to happen.  

God is guiding

I had my ultrasound and blood draw on Monday at FCI.  I was there for 50 minutes which caused me to be late for work.  I was a little frustrated no I m not going to lie I was a lot frustrated because Friday I made a special trip because there was some paper work I needed to sign to be an outside monitoring patient instead of a regular FCI patient.  I had called on Thursday to make sure everything and I was told it was.  When I got there on Fri the women I normally deal with was out sick.  The replacement had to find the right paper work even though it was suppose to be there.  Then on Monday when I got there she couldn't find it and I had to redo it after I already waited 40 minutes for ultrasound and blood.  Needless to say I was not happy. 

The good news is the nurse called that afternoon with my results.  My estrogen was 999 and I had 12 follicles.  She said "you are cooking" we need to slow things down so they reduced my gonal to 112.  She said Dr. S wanted another ultrasound on Wed.  I asked if he wanted it there or at FCI.  He said if he had his way he would like us in Cinci.  Not another thing needed to be said we are leaving nothing to chance this time.  I scheduled an appointment for today.  I was a little concerned because my lead follicle was 16 already and others were only 12 and 8.  She said not to worry sometimes these things can be subjective and thats why Dr would like to see you here. 

It was quite the whirlwind but we made it to Cinci. I love Travis for some many different reasons one of which being his driving theories.  He wanted us to leave at 3:30 to avoid traffic.  So we did.  It was fine with me I couldn't sleep anyways.  I did manage a nap in the truck.  One of the side effectsof all these drugs I am on is sleepiness.  I also have to go to the bathroom a lot and feel what I describe as growing pings.It is so weird I can actually feel the follicles growing in my ovaries.  I am pretty bloated and have gained about 3 pounds.

Ultrasound went well. The doctors do their own ultrasounds.  They are so hands on and involved in your treatment it really puts you at ease.   Dr. S wasn't there but Dr. B was very happy.  After he got done with the right ovary he said well that would have been enough but we have a whole another ovary to go.  During the whole ultrasound he talked to us and was so happy with our results.  Final numbers are. We have 13 follicles measuring from 20 to 14.  He said we are definatley ready to go. We were expecting a Saturday retrevial but Ovidral will be tonight and Friday is retrevial so I should be back to "normal" shortly.

As I woke up this morning I prayed for God to guide us on this trip.  I truley feel like he reveals himself in others.  When we checked into the hotel the women at the front desk was most friendly and asked us why we were in Cinci.  Of course I shared our story and she shared with us how she had given up one of her children for adoption and had prayed to god about the decesion long and hard and she would pray for us. I told her the more prayers we have the better and thanked her.  Next thing you know she upgraded us to a suite.  I love Cinci the people here are wonderful and are just so caring and down to earth.  I truley feel they have a God based living. 

Now I am at the end of my entry and can't come up with a title it's the hardest part for me so I just told Travis he has to come up with the name this time.  I am still waiting!!!  He can't do it either he said.  Guess it's up to me again.     

Meds equal eggs

Monday I woke up with my period.  I debated calling into work and rushing in to get my baseline ultrasound and blood work but I didn't.  I reminded myself that I need to be patient and not stress myself out.  Having ultrasound day 1 or day 2 wasn't going to start the process any sooner.  I am excited to get start though.  So I went yesterday and Dr. S office called and said everything looks good.  I start my meds tonight Gonal and Menapur.  They wanted to try and get an ultrasound on Saturday but the only place that does monitoring on Sat is downtown.  She wanted to talk to Dr. S and see if we can wait till Monday if not I would go on Friday. She felt that was a little early.  So I am waiting for them to call me back with the final answer.  I just love the way they handle situations.  Everything is so relaxed and organized. Nothing rattles them or makes me feel like I need to be anxious about anything.  Such a different experience.  For the first time I don't feel like I am in the drivers seat.  Such a great feeling!  I am so much calmer than I have been with past cycles.  So I am off to get all my meds ready and start making eggs

Change is hard but good

Travis and I met with Dr. S last monday.  What a breath of fresh air.  Both Travis and I were really struggling with gearing up emotionally to go through this whole process again.  To be honest we were feeling really hopeless.  Dr. S and his staff restored our souls.  The office just has a very positive tone to it.  Nurses are laughing and joking and are really on top of their game.

First Travis had to do his semen analysis never his favorite part but he is much better about it now.  While we were sitting there there was a women sitting beside us and she looked very nervous.  We soon found out why.  Her husband emerged from the back and walked right past her looking very angry.  Travis and I had a good chuckle.  I told him he should go tell him he mine as well hang all his pride up right now or he's never gonna make it through.  Then I reminded Travis that he was that guy 5 years ago. Oh how far we've come. 

Next we went and met with the financial coordinater.  IVF in Cinci is half the price it is in IL who would have thought.  Finally we got to meet the miracle man Dr Scheiber.  He reviewed all of our history and sat back in his chair and gave a big sigh.  You guys have certainley been through a lot.  He immediatley came up with a plan.  He was not reinventing the wheel but was making some minor changes that hopefully will make all the difference.  First off no birth control pills the month before we begin IVF.  He is going to use ganarelyx in our cycle instead of lupron.  After reviewing Travis's semen analysis he decided ICSI(injecting sperm into the egg) would not be necessary.  I had read sometimes ICSI eggs don't implant as well forgot to ask Dr. S about that but either way something different than what we did last time.  Fiinally he has decided due to my age.  Yes that's right in March I will reach that scary 35 age limit that decreases your chances in IVF.  So he wants to hatch (put a tiny slit in the shell of the embryo so it can get out easier and increase chance of implantation) the embryos then become foreign to the body and your body attacks it decreasing chance of implantation.  I will take a steroid to supress my antibody response.  Makes perfect sense to me! I will be doing all my monitoring in Il but Dr. S wants to do the final ultraound himself.  He said it's to important to leave up to anyone other than his own eyes.  Now the dreaded question of miscarriage came.  Dr. S said all IVF pregnancy carry a 25% miscarriage rate. My previous misccariages don't increae that number but I still feel that is very high. SCARY.  He has no reason for previous miscarriages but I will have to take injectable blood thinners for the first trimester due to my MTTHFR factor.  He did say if I miscarried again it might be time to start considering a surrogate.  Dr. S was very patient and made me feel like my questions were welcome.

Dr. S and I had already agreed to do a biopsy of my utereus that day.  He was very honest about the fact that they have no idea why this increases chances of implantation but it does.  I asked Travis if he was going to wait in the waiting area Dr. S said no he's coming with us.  This was a really good thing for Travis to see.  He found a new appreciation for the pain that these procedures cause.  He has never seen the pain on my face or the tears from the pain.  Let me tell you it hurts.  They use the word cramping I use the word HURT. Dr. S was so comforting during this saying we are making good tissues for these babies to grow.  Out with the bad in with the good. Notice it was plural.   Before Dr. S did this he did a mock transfer and picked the catheter he wanted and measured how far in the utereus he wanted the embryos planted so if one of the other docs did my transfer they put hem exactly where he wanted them.  We will be transferring two embryos for sure.  He said possibly three.  Don't think were gonna go that route.  After we were all done Dr. S said you know I am batting a 1000 with you Chicago couples.  I should retire while I am at the top of my game.  We all laughed but I did remind him he has one more challenge before he hangs up his catheter.  Exactly the reason why we are hesitant to transfer 3. 

We signed all our paperwork and consents and the nurse reviewed all our meds.  Travis and I will both take Doxcycline for 10 days before the cycle.  Travis started to get a little antsy towards the end.  We were there for 4 hours and had a six hour drive home ahead of us.  It was long day.

We left there rejuvinated and full of hope.  I can not believe how organized and professional as well as positive the staff and doctor are.  For the first tme I didn't feel like I had to make sure everything was done and make tons of follow up phone calls to make sure everything was in place.  I know I am absolutley in the right hands. 

On the way home my phone rang and it was the pharmacy Dr. S's nurse had already called in my meds not even two hours after we left their office. Impressive. I looked at Travis and said wow they don't mess around.  He said no they don't and that's why I feel good about this doctor. 

Dr. S nurse called with my biopsy results on Wednesday everything was normal.  So everythings in place now we just wait for me to get my period.  Should be right around Feb 7th.  First wait of many to come.  I am so excited I just want to get started. 

Waking up in Cinci

We're here!  We arrived yesterday about 4 o'clock Cinci time.  It has been a long and stressful week.  Travis and I are both experiencing some pretty heavy emotions.  We are both struggling with getting ready to go through another cycle.  It is very hard to be positve and optimistic when we have had so much failure.  There has been a lot of tension in the house so it was good to get away and change our enviornment.  We are trying to use this as a mini vacation and reset.  To blow off some steam we went to the casino.  Had a lot of fun but didn't hit it big.  Then to dinner and back to our hotel hoping to get a good nights sleep.  HA HA.  I have never put my head on such a hard big pillow.  It was almost like you were sleeping sitting up they propped you up so much.  Travis even called down to the front desk to see if they had other pillows.  No luck.  At 5:30 this am he informed me that he had been up since 2.  He said it's gonna be a long day.  Thank God he was able to fall back asleep.  Actually just as I am typing he just walked in I guess he's up for the day.

So off to Dr. Scheiber for consult and semen analysis.  Travis hates that part but at least this time I am able to help him. I of course have a list of questions a mile long.  Dr. S is also going to do a biopsy of my uterine tissue.  That is suppose to increase chance of implantation.  He will also be doing a mock transfer to chose the right size catheter.  I like the fact that he pre plans things.  Things have gone so smoothly with them so far I hope it continues throught my cycle. So here we go again.  Game on starting today. Here's hoping he can be the miracle man for us too.

New Year New Beginnings

Travis and I have has some very serious discussions lately about the path we are going to take this round.  After Katie getting pregnant in Cinci we started to think maybe we need to look into this option ourselves.  Travis feels very strongly we need a fresh start.  I am very dedicated to Dr. Feinberg butI have always been the one to decide what happens with our cycles.  I really need to start listeneing more to him and not think that I always know best.  Another lesson this journey has taught me.  So a couple of weeks ago I emailed Dr. Scheiber to see if he would even consider meeting with us.   He emailed back right away.  I was very impressed.  We exchanged a few emails before I called to make our inital consultation appointment. I was connected to several different departments and everyone answered the phone and my questions.  It went very smooth I was very impressed with the personal attention they gave.  No leaving voicemails and waiting for people to get back to me.  We are headed to Cinci on Jan 16th to meet with Dr. S and his staff. 

We have not comitted to anything other than seeking a second opinion.  This is our last chance at becoming pregnant and I want to make sure that I have researched all my options.  I love Dr. Feinberg but a second opinion never hurts.  Plus Katie had such a positive experience with him I can't not check it out.  Katie was there Friday for her ultrasound and we were in communication via text message.  She told me she talked to doc about us and reminded me he has a .1000 success rate with Chicago couples.  For all of you who are bad at math like me thats 100% success rate.  I am very excited to have some fresh eyes looking at our case and interested to see if Dr. S has any different ideas.