Do you really believe God asked?

My week began with anticipation.  Monday morning we were waiting to hear weather or not I needed to get in the car and drive for a transfer or if we would have a blast transfer on Wed.  Obviously praying for a blast.  In order for me to get to Cinci in time I needed to leave by 5:30 am.  The nurse usually doesn't come in till 7 but she came in at 6:15 to read my results and call me.  Once again going above and beyond the call of duty.  I kid you not the phone rang preciously at 5:15.  Not a minute sooner not a minute later.  The magic words your embryos have made it to blast.  All eight were still growing strong.  I could breath a sigh of relief.  We were calling our embryos little Ricettes.   Off to work Monday and Tuesday flying high.  My mom was going to travel with me this time.  Travis had no more vacation time as well as it would be good mother daughter bonding time.  We left on Tuesday around 3 and arrived in Cinci around 9.  We got a good nights sleep and were up bright and early with excitement.  My mom was way more excited than I was.  I saw her roll over at 5:30 to see if I was awake.  I was not quite ready to get up yet so I fell back asleep.  My body needs to be good and rested to let these embryos have an inviting environment.  I have remained relatively calm throughout this whole process until now!  I have had bouts of excitement but they are short lived.  It is all a process with a lot of steps involved.  I feel like once you clear one hurdle there is another one waiting for you.  So I celebrate that triumph and hope for the best with the next one.  Travis has been very positive.  Much more so then I I have to admit  I am  so used to things not happening for us it is hard to get excited.  I carry a heavy heart sometimes because even if we do get pregnant that is only half the battle for us I still have to not miscarriage which as we all know is another problem we face.  Trying to keep all these negative thoughts at bay but it is hard.

Anyways back to the positive.  We were scheduled for transfer at 9:45 Wed morning.  Of course we get there early because we are so excited and anxious to learn how are Ricettes are doing.  I brought the nurses and Dr. S one of those Mardi Gras cakes with the baby you hide in it for good luck.  A few weeks earlier we had one at work and I got the baby and you betcha that baby was in my pocket for retrieval and transfer.  Mom and I got in the clinical attire.  Dr. S was in the hall and greeted us in his usual warm manner.

Into the surgical suite where Dr. S appeared shortly.  He was the one with the progress report on the Ricettes.  He reported we had two beautiful embryos we were going to transfer today and four that had a 50 50 chance of being able to freeze.  Next he brought me a picture of our two embryos that he was going to transfer.  One was more mature than the other but both were good quality he said.  The more mature one was getting ready to hatch which was a very good sign.  The transfer was such a positive experience right before he placed them he said think positive thoughts here we go.  I cried as I saw the little white burst get placed into my utereus.  Dr. S gave me a hug and said good luck and as a parting gift he gave me the petri dish the two embryos were growing in.  2 was the the theme of the trip I have to say.  When we checked into the hotel we were given room 222 and our transfer was 2-22-2012.  Gods was still displaying his presence.  When we checked into the hotel the first thing I saw were two books about God.  Little signs that all was good hopefully.

Yesterday was a bit of a downer day. They called to let me know that the four embryos remaining did not make it to be able to freeze.  I was really sad.  We would have had enough money left from birdies for babies to do a frozen transfer but we will not have enough to undergo another round of IVF.  So all our dreams of having children are riding on these two embryos implanting.  I had to ask what grade the two that they put in were.  The nurse told me one was a 1AB and the other was a 2AB.  I had hoped that at least we had one A. I was really getting myself worked up about their grade and the fact that we had no reserve.  I had to pray and remembered I had put this all in God's hands and asked that his will be done no matter what the outcome.  I reminded myself it is not faith if when things don't go your way you lose trust.  I can't do that!  I have left this in his hands and no matter what it is his will either way. So I pray he has children in our future!  Pregnancy test is March 5th.  Now the wait begins 1 down 10 to go!!