I am one week away of from finding out our life's destiny. I am trying very hard not to think about what Travis and I are going to do with our lives if we are not blessed with children. Every once and awhile the thought drifts into my head and I just push it out hoping that that is not God's plan for us.
I want to thank all of my fertility friends that have been reaching out to me during this time. No one can understand this period in my life other than them. You guys have been been great and I love you all. So how am I feeling? I am very tired so I am sleeping at least 8 hours a night if not more. I am letting my body rest it has been through a lot. I can also cry at the drop of a hat and boobs are sore. I know from previous attempts that this is all the hormones and drugs. I would like to think that it for other reasons but I know better. I have to admit I am a tad grouchy sorry Travis. Little things seem to set me off not a usual characteristic for myself. I don't remember being this touchy last time. I guess it's true what they say the older you get the grouchier you get!
As for meds I am taking a blood thinner in my stomach every night to combat the MTThFR factor. The factor makes my blood thicker than normal and when the embryo attached to the uterus with it's little veins my blood is to thick to get through to support the little life growing inside me. So the blood thinner combats that issue. I am also on progesterone suppositories. What a mess but I will take it over the alternative IM in my rump!!! No thanks they hurt way to much.
I have little rituals I do. Sometimes it seems a little silly but I feel like I want to connect with the embryos the best I can. Every morning I rock in a rocking chair one of our friends gave us with the picture of our embryos. I also rub the petri dish on my belly. Part of me has my defense mechanism up and I ask why are you doing this but I am none the less.
Travis and I had a discussion about taking a home pregnancy test. They tell you not to and I never have because I figure it's going to come out positive from the trigger shot and that it is not accurate but this time I took one the day after my transfer and it was negative. Now I know that if I get a positive its the real deal. Travis doesn't want me to do it because if it's negative I am just going to be depressed until I get the real results. I have to work on the Monday I get my results and part of me would rather be prepared for the negative if it happens instead of it being a total shock. The other side is it may be positive and we can rejoice. My birthday is this Friday so I won't test then but I plan on taking one on Saturday. I am well aware that sometimes the HPT comes out negative but the blood essay is positive. So we will wait and see.
Other than that I am just trying to keep myself busy. Today I am going to lunch with a girlfriend of mine that just delivered her baby after struggling through infertility. I had to buy a baby gift so I had to go into the baby department usually a traumatic experience just to walk by but when someone that has a miracle I rejoice in their triumph and just hope I can join that elite group that struggled and succeeded.
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