It's just not enough

My Hcg is at 25.  I need to be less than 5 in order for Dr. Heiberger to discontinue weekly blood draws.  So I will return Dec 7th for yet another blood draw.  Hopefully this will be the last one and we can start to move forward with our plans.  Our plans have been slightly altered before we proceed with any further treatments they want to do a HSG which is a test where they shoot dye into your utereus and check how it flows through the fallopian tubes to make sure there is no damage.  That will put my mind at ease.  The test needs to be performed on day 7 to 12 of your period which I will get after my hcg gets to zero.  I just know how lucky I am to have not had to have surgery or lose a tube or worse yet an ovary. 

As all this is taking place life otherwise is normal.  We had a wonderful small thanksgiving.  Travis cooked the most juicy bird and everyone had a great time just enjoying family.  It was extra special this year because my mom usually has to work at the hospital and this year she was off so we cooked laughed and laughed some more.  Some tears were shed but I really wanted this to be a time of joy and thanksgiving.  Of course there are a lot of things I could wallow in self pity about but I really wanted these holidays to be enjoyed.  Thats why we had decided to not start treatment until January.  So I had that short period of time where it was dark and depressing but it didn't consume me like it has in the past.   I really think thats because we have the gift from birdies for babies and my faith in god is so much stronger now.  In a strang way I have made peace with what gods plan is for us.  I have actually even thought we will be okay even if gods plan is not for us to have children.  Thats not to say that I have truley wrapped my thoughts around that.  As we know we always think you are okay with everything until that becomes your true reality. 

For now we won't think that that we will ever have to face that reality because we still have hope!  We will continue to enjoy this blessed holiday season like our original plan was and know that 2012 is a new year.  Hopefully it will be the year for all the birdies for babies babies to be born.  You are always in my thoughts and prayers Katie Davis and Katie O'Brien I am anxiously awaiting all th good news we have coming.  I follow your guys blog and find strength in knowing I am not alone.  For the first time in a long time I am part of a club noone ever wants to be apart of but if I have to I want these strong and persitant women routing for me too.