I can breath

It is always nice to have a day like today to sit and reflect on how crazy life has been lately!  Not only did we have the normal hub bub of the christmas rush but we were dealing with the miscarriage and all the follow up that goes along with that.  Which is exactley what we didn't want to do but as I always say God's got a plan it's just not mine.  So here's where we are at at the moment.  My HCG levels finally came down to zero and on the morning of that blood draw I got my period.  Which was bitter sweet because I had been bleeding continously for about a month and had finally gotten a little reprive but I was excited because now we could go forward with the test to check if there was any damage or blockages in my utereus and fallopian tubes.  There seems to always be something to worry about when you are trying to get pregnant. 

On Dec 16th I went for the test with my good friend Dr. Heiberger.  Hugs and holiday wishes were exchanged.  Good vibes were all around I just love her.  She makes me feel so at ease with any situation we are presented with.  The tech was surpised that Dr. was going to be doing the test herself as this is not common.  I smiled and explained that this was my four miscarriage and Dr. H is not going to leave anything to chance with this round of IVF.  I am sure she wanted to see for herself as well.  I would have anyways.  The test did not take that long and was not painful EXCEPT for that ballon they inflate to expand your utereus.  That hurt like HE double hockey sticks.  At this point I have a passing thought of what the pain might be like to actually give birth.  I have gone though so much pain and suffering to try and get pregnant I forgot that you actually have to give birth as well.  We will cross that bridge hopefully soon but in the mean time Epideral all around for me!!  The test was all clear no blockages, tubal isuues or problems with my utereus.  Great news.  No explanations for why the continued miscarriages though.  I guess thats why we have the diagnosis unexplained infertility. 

In the mean time I am constantley checking Katie's blog because I know the time frameand I know that pretty soon we should have an answer as to how her cycle went.  On Monday Dec 19th I got a heart warming answer to my question.  She was pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!I frantically searched for her cell # and couldn't find it so I emailed her to call me ASAP!  I was crying such tears of joy when my phone rang.  We talked for over an hour.  Things like this are what give us hope that one day soon maybe I can cry tears of happiness for myself.  With Katies beta numbers I am sooo sure she is having twins.  I went to bed that night with an actual peace I haven't felt in a long time.  In that moment all was right with the world even if I wasn't pregnant my good friend Katie was and is.  God does work miracles.

I also had talked to Dr. Feinbergs nurse on Monday to come up with our game plan.  In Jan we will do a biopsy.   Also Travis and I will both go on a round of Doxcycline just to rule out any kind of bad bacteria floating around and compromising anything and then IVF here we come.  I am so ready to get started again and just hope that this time we will have a different outcome.