Do you really believe God asked?

My week began with anticipation.  Monday morning we were waiting to hear weather or not I needed to get in the car and drive for a transfer or if we would have a blast transfer on Wed.  Obviously praying for a blast.  In order for me to get to Cinci in time I needed to leave by 5:30 am.  The nurse usually doesn't come in till 7 but she came in at 6:15 to read my results and call me.  Once again going above and beyond the call of duty.  I kid you not the phone rang preciously at 5:15.  Not a minute sooner not a minute later.  The magic words your embryos have made it to blast.  All eight were still growing strong.  I could breath a sigh of relief.  We were calling our embryos little Ricettes.   Off to work Monday and Tuesday flying high.  My mom was going to travel with me this time.  Travis had no more vacation time as well as it would be good mother daughter bonding time.  We left on Tuesday around 3 and arrived in Cinci around 9.  We got a good nights sleep and were up bright and early with excitement.  My mom was way more excited than I was.  I saw her roll over at 5:30 to see if I was awake.  I was not quite ready to get up yet so I fell back asleep.  My body needs to be good and rested to let these embryos have an inviting environment.  I have remained relatively calm throughout this whole process until now!  I have had bouts of excitement but they are short lived.  It is all a process with a lot of steps involved.  I feel like once you clear one hurdle there is another one waiting for you.  So I celebrate that triumph and hope for the best with the next one.  Travis has been very positive.  Much more so then I I have to admit  I am  so used to things not happening for us it is hard to get excited.  I carry a heavy heart sometimes because even if we do get pregnant that is only half the battle for us I still have to not miscarriage which as we all know is another problem we face.  Trying to keep all these negative thoughts at bay but it is hard.

Anyways back to the positive.  We were scheduled for transfer at 9:45 Wed morning.  Of course we get there early because we are so excited and anxious to learn how are Ricettes are doing.  I brought the nurses and Dr. S one of those Mardi Gras cakes with the baby you hide in it for good luck.  A few weeks earlier we had one at work and I got the baby and you betcha that baby was in my pocket for retrieval and transfer.  Mom and I got in the clinical attire.  Dr. S was in the hall and greeted us in his usual warm manner.

Into the surgical suite where Dr. S appeared shortly.  He was the one with the progress report on the Ricettes.  He reported we had two beautiful embryos we were going to transfer today and four that had a 50 50 chance of being able to freeze.  Next he brought me a picture of our two embryos that he was going to transfer.  One was more mature than the other but both were good quality he said.  The more mature one was getting ready to hatch which was a very good sign.  The transfer was such a positive experience right before he placed them he said think positive thoughts here we go.  I cried as I saw the little white burst get placed into my utereus.  Dr. S gave me a hug and said good luck and as a parting gift he gave me the petri dish the two embryos were growing in.  2 was the the theme of the trip I have to say.  When we checked into the hotel we were given room 222 and our transfer was 2-22-2012.  Gods was still displaying his presence.  When we checked into the hotel the first thing I saw were two books about God.  Little signs that all was good hopefully.

Yesterday was a bit of a downer day. They called to let me know that the four embryos remaining did not make it to be able to freeze.  I was really sad.  We would have had enough money left from birdies for babies to do a frozen transfer but we will not have enough to undergo another round of IVF.  So all our dreams of having children are riding on these two embryos implanting.  I had to ask what grade the two that they put in were.  The nurse told me one was a 1AB and the other was a 2AB.  I had hoped that at least we had one A. I was really getting myself worked up about their grade and the fact that we had no reserve.  I had to pray and remembered I had put this all in God's hands and asked that his will be done no matter what the outcome.  I reminded myself it is not faith if when things don't go your way you lose trust.  I can't do that!  I have left this in his hands and no matter what it is his will either way. So I pray he has children in our future!  Pregnancy test is March 5th.  Now the wait begins 1 down 10 to go!!

Octomom?

Yesterday was a great day.  We had our egg retrieval yesterday.  It was breeze compared to my last one.  I hate going under but my nurse was so nice and kind.  They didn't sedate me nearly as heavily as in the past. It was nice I was out of it but could still talk and they told me everything as they were doing it.  It is always such great experience.  I have been so at ease  through this whole process.  It has been such a positive experience.  I cannot tell you how glad I am we chose to go to Cinci!  Dr. S actually did my retrieval I asked him for his autograph now that he is famous from his appearance on the today show.  He laughed and said he would sign my forehead.  Retrieval was great we got 13 follicles.  I had an easy recovery and we were on our way home.  I had no cramping it was amazing.  I had asked for a script for Vicoden because the last retrieval was so painful but I didn't take but two doses of asprin.

My nurse called this morning to let me know 8 eggs fertilized.  That's over half we are soo happy!! We are hoping for a day 5 transfer but I could possibly need to be back in Cinci on Monday.  They are going to call at 5:15 Monday morning to let me know.  Dr. S is going to be putting two embryos in no matter what the quality.  Travis and I are already wrapping our minds around twins just in case.  He does have 100 percent success rate with us Chicago couples he says.

Right now I am on a steroid to decrease my immune response to the embryos so they have a better chance of implanting. Also taking progesterone but not shots.  Another bonus.  Love it.  Those Progesterone shots were so painful.   So right now we are coasting along praying for good things to happen.  

God is guiding

I had my ultrasound and blood draw on Monday at FCI.  I was there for 50 minutes which caused me to be late for work.  I was a little frustrated no I m not going to lie I was a lot frustrated because Friday I made a special trip because there was some paper work I needed to sign to be an outside monitoring patient instead of a regular FCI patient.  I had called on Thursday to make sure everything and I was told it was.  When I got there on Fri the women I normally deal with was out sick.  The replacement had to find the right paper work even though it was suppose to be there.  Then on Monday when I got there she couldn't find it and I had to redo it after I already waited 40 minutes for ultrasound and blood.  Needless to say I was not happy. 

The good news is the nurse called that afternoon with my results.  My estrogen was 999 and I had 12 follicles.  She said "you are cooking" we need to slow things down so they reduced my gonal to 112.  She said Dr. S wanted another ultrasound on Wed.  I asked if he wanted it there or at FCI.  He said if he had his way he would like us in Cinci.  Not another thing needed to be said we are leaving nothing to chance this time.  I scheduled an appointment for today.  I was a little concerned because my lead follicle was 16 already and others were only 12 and 8.  She said not to worry sometimes these things can be subjective and thats why Dr would like to see you here. 

It was quite the whirlwind but we made it to Cinci. I love Travis for some many different reasons one of which being his driving theories.  He wanted us to leave at 3:30 to avoid traffic.  So we did.  It was fine with me I couldn't sleep anyways.  I did manage a nap in the truck.  One of the side effectsof all these drugs I am on is sleepiness.  I also have to go to the bathroom a lot and feel what I describe as growing pings.It is so weird I can actually feel the follicles growing in my ovaries.  I am pretty bloated and have gained about 3 pounds.

Ultrasound went well. The doctors do their own ultrasounds.  They are so hands on and involved in your treatment it really puts you at ease.   Dr. S wasn't there but Dr. B was very happy.  After he got done with the right ovary he said well that would have been enough but we have a whole another ovary to go.  During the whole ultrasound he talked to us and was so happy with our results.  Final numbers are. We have 13 follicles measuring from 20 to 14.  He said we are definatley ready to go. We were expecting a Saturday retrevial but Ovidral will be tonight and Friday is retrevial so I should be back to "normal" shortly.

As I woke up this morning I prayed for God to guide us on this trip.  I truley feel like he reveals himself in others.  When we checked into the hotel the women at the front desk was most friendly and asked us why we were in Cinci.  Of course I shared our story and she shared with us how she had given up one of her children for adoption and had prayed to god about the decesion long and hard and she would pray for us. I told her the more prayers we have the better and thanked her.  Next thing you know she upgraded us to a suite.  I love Cinci the people here are wonderful and are just so caring and down to earth.  I truley feel they have a God based living. 

Now I am at the end of my entry and can't come up with a title it's the hardest part for me so I just told Travis he has to come up with the name this time.  I am still waiting!!!  He can't do it either he said.  Guess it's up to me again.     

Meds equal eggs

Monday I woke up with my period.  I debated calling into work and rushing in to get my baseline ultrasound and blood work but I didn't.  I reminded myself that I need to be patient and not stress myself out.  Having ultrasound day 1 or day 2 wasn't going to start the process any sooner.  I am excited to get start though.  So I went yesterday and Dr. S office called and said everything looks good.  I start my meds tonight Gonal and Menapur.  They wanted to try and get an ultrasound on Saturday but the only place that does monitoring on Sat is downtown.  She wanted to talk to Dr. S and see if we can wait till Monday if not I would go on Friday. She felt that was a little early.  So I am waiting for them to call me back with the final answer.  I just love the way they handle situations.  Everything is so relaxed and organized. Nothing rattles them or makes me feel like I need to be anxious about anything.  Such a different experience.  For the first time I don't feel like I am in the drivers seat.  Such a great feeling!  I am so much calmer than I have been with past cycles.  So I am off to get all my meds ready and start making eggs

Change is hard but good

Travis and I met with Dr. S last monday.  What a breath of fresh air.  Both Travis and I were really struggling with gearing up emotionally to go through this whole process again.  To be honest we were feeling really hopeless.  Dr. S and his staff restored our souls.  The office just has a very positive tone to it.  Nurses are laughing and joking and are really on top of their game.

First Travis had to do his semen analysis never his favorite part but he is much better about it now.  While we were sitting there there was a women sitting beside us and she looked very nervous.  We soon found out why.  Her husband emerged from the back and walked right past her looking very angry.  Travis and I had a good chuckle.  I told him he should go tell him he mine as well hang all his pride up right now or he's never gonna make it through.  Then I reminded Travis that he was that guy 5 years ago. Oh how far we've come. 

Next we went and met with the financial coordinater.  IVF in Cinci is half the price it is in IL who would have thought.  Finally we got to meet the miracle man Dr Scheiber.  He reviewed all of our history and sat back in his chair and gave a big sigh.  You guys have certainley been through a lot.  He immediatley came up with a plan.  He was not reinventing the wheel but was making some minor changes that hopefully will make all the difference.  First off no birth control pills the month before we begin IVF.  He is going to use ganarelyx in our cycle instead of lupron.  After reviewing Travis's semen analysis he decided ICSI(injecting sperm into the egg) would not be necessary.  I had read sometimes ICSI eggs don't implant as well forgot to ask Dr. S about that but either way something different than what we did last time.  Fiinally he has decided due to my age.  Yes that's right in March I will reach that scary 35 age limit that decreases your chances in IVF.  So he wants to hatch (put a tiny slit in the shell of the embryo so it can get out easier and increase chance of implantation) the embryos then become foreign to the body and your body attacks it decreasing chance of implantation.  I will take a steroid to supress my antibody response.  Makes perfect sense to me! I will be doing all my monitoring in Il but Dr. S wants to do the final ultraound himself.  He said it's to important to leave up to anyone other than his own eyes.  Now the dreaded question of miscarriage came.  Dr. S said all IVF pregnancy carry a 25% miscarriage rate. My previous misccariages don't increae that number but I still feel that is very high. SCARY.  He has no reason for previous miscarriages but I will have to take injectable blood thinners for the first trimester due to my MTTHFR factor.  He did say if I miscarried again it might be time to start considering a surrogate.  Dr. S was very patient and made me feel like my questions were welcome.

Dr. S and I had already agreed to do a biopsy of my utereus that day.  He was very honest about the fact that they have no idea why this increases chances of implantation but it does.  I asked Travis if he was going to wait in the waiting area Dr. S said no he's coming with us.  This was a really good thing for Travis to see.  He found a new appreciation for the pain that these procedures cause.  He has never seen the pain on my face or the tears from the pain.  Let me tell you it hurts.  They use the word cramping I use the word HURT. Dr. S was so comforting during this saying we are making good tissues for these babies to grow.  Out with the bad in with the good. Notice it was plural.   Before Dr. S did this he did a mock transfer and picked the catheter he wanted and measured how far in the utereus he wanted the embryos planted so if one of the other docs did my transfer they put hem exactly where he wanted them.  We will be transferring two embryos for sure.  He said possibly three.  Don't think were gonna go that route.  After we were all done Dr. S said you know I am batting a 1000 with you Chicago couples.  I should retire while I am at the top of my game.  We all laughed but I did remind him he has one more challenge before he hangs up his catheter.  Exactly the reason why we are hesitant to transfer 3. 

We signed all our paperwork and consents and the nurse reviewed all our meds.  Travis and I will both take Doxcycline for 10 days before the cycle.  Travis started to get a little antsy towards the end.  We were there for 4 hours and had a six hour drive home ahead of us.  It was long day.

We left there rejuvinated and full of hope.  I can not believe how organized and professional as well as positive the staff and doctor are.  For the first tme I didn't feel like I had to make sure everything was done and make tons of follow up phone calls to make sure everything was in place.  I know I am absolutley in the right hands. 

On the way home my phone rang and it was the pharmacy Dr. S's nurse had already called in my meds not even two hours after we left their office. Impressive. I looked at Travis and said wow they don't mess around.  He said no they don't and that's why I feel good about this doctor. 

Dr. S nurse called with my biopsy results on Wednesday everything was normal.  So everythings in place now we just wait for me to get my period.  Should be right around Feb 7th.  First wait of many to come.  I am so excited I just want to get started. 

Waking up in Cinci

We're here!  We arrived yesterday about 4 o'clock Cinci time.  It has been a long and stressful week.  Travis and I are both experiencing some pretty heavy emotions.  We are both struggling with getting ready to go through another cycle.  It is very hard to be positve and optimistic when we have had so much failure.  There has been a lot of tension in the house so it was good to get away and change our enviornment.  We are trying to use this as a mini vacation and reset.  To blow off some steam we went to the casino.  Had a lot of fun but didn't hit it big.  Then to dinner and back to our hotel hoping to get a good nights sleep.  HA HA.  I have never put my head on such a hard big pillow.  It was almost like you were sleeping sitting up they propped you up so much.  Travis even called down to the front desk to see if they had other pillows.  No luck.  At 5:30 this am he informed me that he had been up since 2.  He said it's gonna be a long day.  Thank God he was able to fall back asleep.  Actually just as I am typing he just walked in I guess he's up for the day.

So off to Dr. Scheiber for consult and semen analysis.  Travis hates that part but at least this time I am able to help him. I of course have a list of questions a mile long.  Dr. S is also going to do a biopsy of my uterine tissue.  That is suppose to increase chance of implantation.  He will also be doing a mock transfer to chose the right size catheter.  I like the fact that he pre plans things.  Things have gone so smoothly with them so far I hope it continues throught my cycle. So here we go again.  Game on starting today. Here's hoping he can be the miracle man for us too.

New Year New Beginnings

Travis and I have has some very serious discussions lately about the path we are going to take this round.  After Katie getting pregnant in Cinci we started to think maybe we need to look into this option ourselves.  Travis feels very strongly we need a fresh start.  I am very dedicated to Dr. Feinberg butI have always been the one to decide what happens with our cycles.  I really need to start listeneing more to him and not think that I always know best.  Another lesson this journey has taught me.  So a couple of weeks ago I emailed Dr. Scheiber to see if he would even consider meeting with us.   He emailed back right away.  I was very impressed.  We exchanged a few emails before I called to make our inital consultation appointment. I was connected to several different departments and everyone answered the phone and my questions.  It went very smooth I was very impressed with the personal attention they gave.  No leaving voicemails and waiting for people to get back to me.  We are headed to Cinci on Jan 16th to meet with Dr. S and his staff. 

We have not comitted to anything other than seeking a second opinion.  This is our last chance at becoming pregnant and I want to make sure that I have researched all my options.  I love Dr. Feinberg but a second opinion never hurts.  Plus Katie had such a positive experience with him I can't not check it out.  Katie was there Friday for her ultrasound and we were in communication via text message.  She told me she talked to doc about us and reminded me he has a .1000 success rate with Chicago couples.  For all of you who are bad at math like me thats 100% success rate.  I am very excited to have some fresh eyes looking at our case and interested to see if Dr. S has any different ideas.